I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I am available for nakedness
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
