Moan for me like Helen Keller
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
