Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
