I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Randomize
