We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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