You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
