I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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