So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize