I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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