we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
