Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
