New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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