Already got asked if we're dating
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
