its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
