i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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