Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
