i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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