Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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