Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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