Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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