i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
