its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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