I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
