The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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