I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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