I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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