he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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