So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
