If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
