and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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