Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize