hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
A bitchslap is in order.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
