Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
it's great music for shaving your balls
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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