I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
