I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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