piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
