Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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