I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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