I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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