my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
