Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
