Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
FUCK WHALES
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
