I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize