Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She announced her abortion via fbk
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
