Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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