This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
