hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
