I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
