She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
