I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
