dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
