Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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