i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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