my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize