she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
