you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Randomize
