New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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