i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
