apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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