last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
