That's intense
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
