when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize