TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
