Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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