Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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