He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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