There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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