everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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