Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
