its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
