she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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