I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
