so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
