During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
